My Labyrinthine Mind

"The true life is not reducible to words spoken or written, not by anyone, ever. The true life takes place when we're alone, thinking, feeling, lost in memory, dreamily self-aware, the submicroscopic moments. His life happened when he sat staring at a blank wall, thinking about dinner We do this all the time, all of us, we become ourselves beneath the running thoughts and dim images, wondering idly when we'll die. This is how we live and think whether we know it or not. These are the unsorted thoughts we have looking out the train window, small dull smears of meditative panic." --Don DeLillo

That’s the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.

—Charles Bukowski, Women (via what-strange-lives-we-live)

(via mercilessbrutes)

vanishedschism:

pamhalperts:

I really hate that watching TV is associated with being lazy and boring while reading books is associated with being smart and profound. Both are really fucking great ways of telling stories and if you find a story that moves you, whether it’s a 900 page novel, a tv show, a film, a comic, or a sentence engraved on a slice of bread IT IS WORTHY OF YOUR TIME!

(Source: ilanasexler, via booksandhotchocolate)

..the books we need are the kind that act upon us like a misfortune, that make us suffer like the death of someone we love more than ourselves, that make us feel as though we were on the verge of suicide, or lost in a forest remote from all human habitation — a book should serve as the ax for the frozen sea within us.

—Franz Kafka, from a letter to Oskar Pollak (via violentwavesofemotion)

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.

—It’s not that I don’t love you.  (via extrasad)

(via mercilessbrutes)

crockercorp:

does anyone else have this other self they’ve created in their mind that is not really exactly you irl but is more like what you want to be and has a life that continues in your head with like weird continuing daydreams but they’re not perfect or anything and wow i forget where i was going with this

(Source: olafyaoi, via mercilessbrutes)

biomedicalephemera:

Dr. Mary Edwards Walker’s pocket surgical kit

Dr. Walker was the first female surgeon in the U.S. Army, serving during the Civil War.

She was awarded the Medal of Honor in 1865 by President Johnson, and remains the only woman to have ever won it, to this date. Interestingly, this high honor was awarded to her (and even had a bill passed in order to make her eligible) in order to recognize her service to the country…while making sure that she didn’t receive an army commission in retirement.

Indeed, she made less as a pensioner than the widows of most officers did, but she saw the greater honor of her Medal, wearing it every day until her death in 1917.

Walker also campaigned as an abolitionist (prior to the war), prohibitionist, and an advocate for dress reform, citing women’s clothing as “immodest and unwieldy”. She was arrested several times in the late 1800s for “impersonating a man”, because of her trousers and top hat.

(via thezenparadox)